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Post by Lord Chenney on Feb 14, 2008 15:59:57 GMT -5
go for it CJM...
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Post by Colonel John Matrix on Feb 14, 2008 16:02:55 GMT -5
Ah, man. I never kept any of these. Hopefully we'll retrieve them. I'll try and write some fresh material though ;D
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Post by Kimble on Feb 14, 2008 16:17:22 GMT -5
I have three of my Bennett Songs saved on Word Pad. They're terrible but times are rough so here goes(one at least for now):
He's Back(The Man Behind the Vest), a parody of Alice Cooper's He's Back(The Man Behind the Mask)
You're with your daughter And you're in the pool alone On a summer afternoon You're deep in love But you're deeper in his shithouse You think you're doin' alright
Did you hear that heeeyaaaaah(Bennett's scream) Did you see that 'stache Or was it just a dream This can't be real That only happens, John On the movie screen
Oh, but he's back He's the man behind the vest And he's out of control He's back The man behind the vest And he wants to put his wang in your butthole
You're swimmin' with your daughter Out on Payday Lake And the pipe blows hot It debonerizes your wood But you're still on downwind You could smell him approaching
But the moon was full And you had a chance To be all alone But you're not alone You can see the gleam in his leather pants And the jingle of his chain necklace
Yeah, cause he's back He's the man behind the vest And he's out of control He's back The man behind the vest And he wants to put his wang in your butthole
Oh, if you see him comin' Shield your eyes if you can Just keep on shieldin' Shield them as fast as you can He's a horny, horny man
And his dick is out tonight And he's watchin' you As he masturbates No, don't turn out the lights
Yeah, cause he's back He's the man behind the vest And he's out of control He's back The man behind the vest And he wants to put his wang in your butthole
He's back He's the man behind the vest And he's out of control He's back The man behind the vest And he's after your nads
He's back He's the man behind the vest And he's out of control He's back The man behind the vest And he's after your nads
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Post by Will Da Beeste on Feb 14, 2008 18:28:36 GMT -5
I have some at work. Here's one El Prez did the art for. "Islands in the Steam" by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton:
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:40:38 GMT -5
I saved a few of mine ;D
Bennett The Harlot
Giving a swish with your arse in the air, don't you know what Cooke's saying? Bennett you're so refined when you take all the love Sully's giving. Threatening every soldier you find, don't you know what they're after? Bennett you've got your legs in the air, don't you hear all the laughter?
[Chorus] Bennett the Harlot show me your 'tash, Bennett the Harlot take me to 'Verde. Bennett the Harlot let me see blood, Bennett the Harlot let me see 'mail.
Kidnapping so many girls from their room, don't you feel no remorse? They offer a hundred grand, just for starters. cos John's the main course. And you've got no unit, they died long ago. Don't you care who you let in? And don't you know you like killing too much with the service you're giving.
[Chorus] Bennett the Harlot show me your 'tash, Bennett the Harlot take me to 'Verde. Bennett the Harlot let me see blood, Bennett the Harlot let me see 'mail.
Whooaaa Bennett, Whoaaaoooooaaaaa
There was a time when you left me lying there, Shot with a tranquilizer dart on the floor. Well Bennett you had me alone in there, To use my end as a bloody whore. Well Bennett you told me you love me true, Seemed like our unit was just yesterday. Well Bennett you're trousers are leather too So i know now that you're gay.
Arrrrghhhh cos you're gayyyy!
(solo)
Giving a swish with your arse in the air, don't you know what Cooke's saying? Bennett you're so refined when you take all the love Sully's giving. Threatening every soldier you find, don't you know what they're after? Bennett you've got your legs in the air, don't you hear all the laughter?
[Chorus] Bennett the Harlot show me your 'tash, Bennett the Harlot take me to 'Verde. Bennett the Harlot let me see blood, Bennett the Harlot let me see 'mail.
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:42:27 GMT -5
Chainmail by David Bowie
I still don't know what I was waiting for And my time was running out A million dead piss ant's and A hundred grand, I thought I'd got it made It seemed that payday was not so sweet So my John returned to face me But he's never caught a glimpse Of how the others must see a gayer I'm much too fat to take this test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (Turn and face the steam) Ch-ch-Chainmail Don't want your hundred grand Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (The pipe will break the chains) Ch-ch-Chainmail Just gonna have to be a different man Pipes may change me "No Chanz" of next time
I watched my leathers change their size But never relieve the strain Of warm butter cutting and So the dairy floats to my thighs But still Val Verde seems the same And these children that you kidnap As Arius tries a coup d'etat He's immune to your consultations They're quite aware Matrix would laugh too
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (Turn and face the steam) Ch-ch-Chainmail Don't tell him it's for old times sake Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (Pipe will break the chains) Ch-ch-Chainmail There's your steam You've let off way way too much of it Pipes may change me "No Chanz" of next time
Strange fascination, fascinating me Changes are taking the pipe Is going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (Turn and face the steam) Ch-ch-Chainmail Oh, look out, just tranquilizers Ch-ch-ch-ch-Chainmail (Pipe will break the chains) Ch-ch-Chainmail Pretty soon now, you're gonna get impaled Pipes may change me "No Chanz" of next time I said hot steam may change me "Just Bodies" this time
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:44:44 GMT -5
El Presidente (Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles)
Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers
Colonel John Matrix picks up a gun in the yard where a world war has been The soldiers scream Peeps through the window, holding a shotgun he took from a shop long before Who is it for?
All the piss ant soldiers Where do they all come from? All the piss ant soldiers Where do they all belong?
El Presidente picks up the steyr in a last vain attempt to spread fear Matrix draws near Look at him sweating, firing his gun left and right but there's nobody there John doesn't care.
All the piss ant soldiers Where do they all come from? All the piss ant soldiers Where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers
El Presidente died through the window, he's buried along with his name Nobody came Colonel John Matrix wiping the blood from his hands as he walks to the beach There's just bodies
All the piss ant soldiers (Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers) Where do they all come from? All the piss ant soldiers (Ah, look at all the piss ant soldiers) Where do they all belong?
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:47:09 GMT -5
Gayboy from Dave Lee Roth's Eat 'Em And Smile album
In Val Verde I'm in a rage But Matrix isn't fooled Well I can rock wihout the gun But never alone with you Chainmail starts a sparkin' I love electricity I need a roundhouse kick To knock him off his feet
(chorus) Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give it one for old times sake Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give him one for old times sake
Oh, John I feel good!! More than I had planned Would you steam pipe throw me With no uzi in my hand? Crazy steamings Deep inside of me I need a wild he-man To knock me off my feet
(chorus) Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give it one for old times sake Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give him one for old times sake
Gotta keep my knife hand moving Till my homo dress sense starts improving
(chorus) Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give it one for old times sake Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give it one for old times sake
Gotta keep my knife hand moving Till my homo dress sense starts improving
(chorus) Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give him one for old times sake Gayboy, gayboy, gayboy, gayboy Gayboy, gayboy, give John one for old times sake
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:48:32 GMT -5
Captain Bennett (Holy Diver by Dio)
Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm yeah yeah
Captain Bennett you've been down too long with the basement pipes oh where the hell is chenny? John's a tiger with his drawn on stripes and his manly scream oh don't you see what I mean
Gotta get away Captain Be-nn-ett yeah
Got shiny chainmail like a new cadillac under skies of blue Matrix is coming for you look out!
Mince through the courtyard you can break through some wood 'till you see the girl oh we will pray she's all right
She's gotta get away, get awaaaaay Before Val Verde lies a man that's hard as steel yeah John Matrix never dies... his life's a never ending wheel - gay!
Captain Bennett you're the star of the gay parade no need to look so afraid jump jump Jump on the tiger you can feel his heart but you know he's mean bum love can never be cleeeeeeeean yeah!
Captain Bennett you've been gone too long from the unit yeah oh what's becoming of you... no no! John's the tiger you can see his stripes and you hear his scream oh don't you see what I mean
Gotta get away... BUt you're gaaaay... gotta get away.. You're so gaaaaay!
Colonel Matrix, sole survivor - your honour's clean Captain Bennett, Captain Bennett, never died from the pipe - comin' after you - Captain Bennett!
Oh Captain Bennett! yeah alright! He's so gay, he's so gay, he's so gay! Captain Bennett... Captain Bennett... whoa Captain Be-nn-ett!
hmm hmm hmm hmm
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:51:25 GMT -5
True (by Spandau Ballet)
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
So true Funny how it seems Always on time, but my watch seldom beeps for me Time to impale, when toe to toe This is the sound of the pipe This is the sound
I bought a ticket to Val Verde But now I’ve come back again Why do I find it hard to kill this henchman? Well, I want the truth to be said
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
I know this much is true
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
Oh Bennett, I love you
Not a shot to my head but a shot to my balls i'll impale the love that has just begun Listening to Kirby all night long This is the sound of my pipe This is the sound
My man's slipping from my hands Steam got a life of its own Take your musclebound arms and write the next line There's no chance until the next time
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
I know this much is true
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
Dear Bennett, I love you
(sax solo)
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
I know this much is true
Ha ha ha haaaaa ha
Dear Bennett, I love you
This much is truuueee, Bennett I love you-oo-oo
(I know now, that I love you)
This much is truuueee, Bennett I love you-oo-oo
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Post by Will Da Beeste on Feb 15, 2008 7:51:55 GMT -5
Nice!
I have got "Prancing Queen" and "Pansy-Roids" somewhere at work.
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Post by Chainmail Vest on Feb 15, 2008 7:56:57 GMT -5
Here's the start of the 'Highway To Val Verde' by AC/DC album i never got round to finishing...
Highway To Val Verde
Livin' easy Lovin' men Season ticket for a big gay ride Askin' nothin' Leave me be Packin' everythin' in my strides Don't need johnnies Don't need lube Ain't nothin' that I'd rather do Goin' down Party time My unit's gonna be there too I'm on the highway to 'Verde On the highway to 'Verde Highway to 'Verde I'm on the highway to 'Verde
No stop signs or speed limit Nobody's gonna slow me down Like an eel Gonna spin it Nobody's gonna mess me around Hey Girl George Payin' my dues Takin' two men in my hand Hey Matrix Look at me I'm on the way to the promised land I'm on the highway to 'Verde Highway to 'Verde I'm on the highway to 'Verde Highway to 'Verde Don't stop me
I'm on the highway to 'Verde On the highway to 'Verde Highway to 'Verde I'm on the highway to 'Verde (highway to 'Verde) I'm on the highway to 'Verde (highway to 'Verde) highway to 'Verde (highway to 'Verde) highway to 'Verde (highway to 'Verde) And I'm goin' down All the way I'm on the highway to 'Verde
John's Got Rythym
I been around the world Kidnapped a million girls Ain't one of them got A father like Chenney she got He's chuckin' a steam pipe Knocks me of my feet He's enough to start a manslide Just a walkin' down the beach Wearin' speedos so tight Detonating' dynamite I wish he'd suck me off No doubt about it can't live without it The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) He's got the back door rhythm (back door rhythm) The man's got rhythm
I'm wearin' leaher pants Too much for any man He burns me first degree and I love electricity Love me till I'm bow legged Achin' and sore Wide enough to park a freight train He bummed a third world war You know I'm losin' sleep Cos John was in too deep Like a body needs blood No doubt about it can't live without it The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) He's got the back door rhythm (back door rhythm) The man's got rhythm
You know he move like sin And when he lets me in It's like liquid love No doubt about it can't live without it The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) The man's got rhythm (John's got rhythm) He's got the back door rhythm (back door rhythm) The man's got rhythm You know he's really got the rhythm (John's got rhythm) He's got the back door rhythm (back door rhythm) Ass slapping rhythm (rock 'n' roll rhythm) The man's got rhythm
Wank All over You
I'm so damn gay I'm a running high Take a chance with me John, give it a try Ain't no women in the world I know Cause I'm lookin' for an anal overflow Aaaaaahhhhwwwww Baby I ain't got much Resistance to your crotch Take off your rifles and spike up your hair Your hot mouth ain't far from there I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) Do anything you want me to (wank all over you) baby I'm gonna wank all over you
Ejaculations on the bedroom wall And John you thought you'd seen it all We're riding and fisting like men at sea Your lookin' so good under me I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) Do anything you want me to (wank all over you) baby I'm gonna wank all over you
Moanin' groanin' stereo Said gimme your cheeks I'm just about to blow I jizz on the face and look out below Tonight is gonna be the night I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) I'm gonna wank all over you (wank all over you) Do anything you want me to (wank all over you) baby I'm gonna wank all over you
I'm gonna wank all over you
Touch Too Much (Steam)
It was one of those fights when you don't need the gun And certainly dont need no girl John was takin' his time I was loosin my mind There was nothin' that he wouldn't throw I wasn't the first, but I was the last He knew we was makin' love I was so satisfied, deep down inside Like a pipe in a velvet glove Steams like a touch, a touch too much Steams like a touch, a touch too much Too much for my body Too much for my chains This damn pipe's gonna drive me insane Johns's got a touch A touch too much
He had the face of a rent boy smilin' with sin The body of Hercules dreams Dealin' with danger strokin' my skin My chainmail vest creates a lightnin' storm It wasn't the furnace, it wasn't the blast It wasn't that he didn't care He wanted it hard, wanted it fast John liked me done medium rare Steams like a touch, a touch too much Steams like a touch, a touch too much Too much for my body Too much for my brain John damn Matrix gonna drive me insane He had a touch A touch too much
Touch me
Steams like a touch (touch too much) You know it's much too much (much too much) I really wanna feel ya (touch too much) John you know you're giving me (much too much) Steams like a touch Just a dirty little touch I really need your touch Cause you're much too much too much too much Steams like a touch (a touch too much) Steams like a touch (a touch too much) Givin' me a touch (a touch too much) Lay me down and touch (a touch too much) Steams like a touch (a touch too much) Steams like a touch (a touch too much) A touch too much, a touch too much, a touch too much Touch Come on and touch me Yeah
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Post by Will Da Beeste on Feb 18, 2008 18:38:30 GMT -5
Prancing Queen
To the tune of "Dancing Queen" by ABBA
Out the unit, I felt so low, I hear John's name and I start to glow, 80's steel drum music makes me shake my thing, Thinking of John my king
Silent and smooth that's my guy My lust for Matrix I can't deny Put on my steel drum music and everything is fine Through courtyards, I'll mince and prance Wanting his fat meat lance.
John is so big and mean, Oiled and greased even when he's clean, Huge and lean, Makes me look like furry margarine, ohhh yeah Arius is dead, but I'm alive John's waving his ludicrous knife, oooooh Don't need the girl, my blade is keen, Kneel before your Queen!
Cindy's a teaser, she leads you on, You don't want her really, do you John? I'll be your love brother, no one else will know, Together in man romance. Please give me one last chance!
I see that John's not keen, But I see him flex and my chainmail gleams. He pipes my spleen, I moan and groan, Letting off some steam - ooooh yeah! I blew my chance at real romance, Payday seems so far away - oooh ooh My life has gone, but I live on At Commandofans.com
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Post by Colonel John Matrix on Feb 22, 2008 13:34:58 GMT -5
To the tune of "I'm in love with my car" by Queen: I'm in love with John's arse[/b] -------------------------------------------------------- Mmmmhmmmmmmm.... He's the man of my dreams, Such a clean machine, With his biceps a pumpin' And pectorials all gleam When I'm caressing my steel, Oh, how I wish you were queer, Want my hands on your big gun Oh its like a disease, son I'm in love with John's arse, Wanna feel of his buttocks of steel, Get a grip on my thick handlebar, Such a thrill when your radials squeal Told the girl I'll have to forget her Rather have me some Schwarzenegger, Come on, let's party! This is the end now I won't look back Me and John are special friends now When I'm caressing my steel, All I hear is your gear, With my libido in overdrive Dont have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive I'm in love with John's arse, Wanna feel of his buttocks of steel I'm in love with John's arse, Fingerless gloves and my sweaty man-love
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Post by Kimble on Feb 22, 2008 13:45:21 GMT -5
Here's another of my crappy songs that I had saved.
You Can Do Me(originally You Can't Do That by Tahnee Cain & the Tryanglz)
It's your move and it's me & your goo, so pull out your weapon and shut your mouth. I'm giving you a molestache ride and my tongue is a lashin', you held our collective penis in your right hand and you squeezed out the liquid passion, thats where I draw naked pictures of us in each others' arms.
'Cause you can do me, you can dirty things to me, you can do me, you can do the nasty with me.
Don't try to use your clever conversation by beginning & ending a sentence with my name, don't try to lick me with those tongue-shaped dicks 'cause I want you to use the real thing.
Subtle mustache kisses on the inside shoulder, won't be enough for you to give me a boner, hang on, never mind, that tickles & is giving me a boner.
'Cause you can do me, you can dirty things to me, you can do me, you can do the nasty with me. you can do me, you can do the nasty with me.
The second chance for you to take, now let's go masturbate with shake n bake, I've wasted too much already but that's ok, I still want you to nakedly jump out of my birthday cake.
'Cause you can do me, you can dirty things to me, you can do me, you can do the nasty with me. you can do me, you can do the nasty with me. you can do me, no yeah yeah yeah yeah you can do me.....
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