Mistaken identity IM conversation

[Cohaagen]

Months before the old board was deleted, I decided to save one particular thread for posterity. It detailed the conversations I had on Messenger during the time my sister loaned me her laptop whilst she took a year out to live in Toronto. From time to time sad randy dudes would contact me looking for sex-type chat and the swapping of indecent photographs. Several sent me pictures of their members in tumescence. I cut-and-pasted these conversations to the Commando Fans board for all to see, and the original posts are reproduced below.

I couldn't work out how to post the original thread with responses in its entirety, but I can email the original HTML files complete with pics to anyone who wants them.

My big sister has moved to Canada and left me her laptop, and I've been getting these weird messages on Messenger. People asking me to show them my twat and stuff. So I decided to answer one of them. I'm 'Gill'.

tom says:
u there

Gill says:
hold on, i'm shooting up. with u in a mo

tom says:
sounds cool

tom says:
have u a cam

Gill says:
oh shit...

tom says:
what

Gill says:
i think ive oversdosedd. i feel reall;y heavy

tom says:
where u from again

Gill says:
i'm slipping away

tom says:
lol

Gill says:
call a fucking ambulance

tom says:
out of cred

Gill says:
it wasnt meant to be like this.

tom says:
lol u mad

Gill says:
im on thee floor now and the dog is licking my face

tom says:
lucky dog

Gill says:
do you believe in jesus

tom says:
where u from again sexy

Gill says:
val verde

tom says:
any pics

Gill says:
just bodies

Gill says:
i'm watching death wish 3 just now as im tripping. theres purple trails coming off bronson and fraker looks like a big snake

tom says:
lick ur clit

Gill says:
i cant. im an alien hermaphrodite. u want 2 buy some acid

Gill says:
how about some crack

tom says:
gis ur mobile no

Gill says:
0797XXXXXXX. i'm hot as a fucking griddle now
(I used my ex-boss' mobile number here )

(ten minutes passes)

Gill says:
i'm calling the police as i type this!!!!!!111

Um, exposition time. My big sis, Carla, used to work for Lothian & Borders Police Force here in Scotland, and obviously she's let other people at work use her laptop. I don't know who the hell 'Gill' is, but he/she is clearly a cop, so maybe I should be a bit more careful than this...


lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
hi there

Gill says:
step into my parlour...

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
cool

Gill says:
did u manage 2 get n e of that taped 4 me??

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
sorry i think u have the wrong person

Gill says:
i thought u were taping death wish 3 for me?

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
i think u have the wrong person

Gill says:
that's cool. how u anyway? i just rolled a big fatty from
the thompson directory smoking out 2 sum bronson wiiiiiild sheeit dog

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
cool

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
am god thanks

Gill says:
really? um, I ain't smokin nothing officer

lothian_**@hotmail.com says:
ur a police officer

Gill says:
i'm judge, jury and executioner

Gill says:
woah, kersey just popped a creep his in-test-ines went
everywher. nine feet. word of god.

Gill says:
sorry, been a LONG day!!!!1111


End of conversation


EDIT: That was not, in fact, the end of the conversation. This was:


(the guy's name changed to 'colin' for some reason)

colin says:
x

Gill says:
have u met bennett yet

colin says:
u have the wrongerospin

Gill says:
i'm pretty fucking positive i have the right erospin

colin says:
who am i

Gill says:
come on...tricks are 4 kids. we BOTH know the answer 2 that!!!111

colin says:
tel me

Gill says:
you're a man of the world, going to and fro and walking up and down in it

Gill says:
colin, im serious. don't mess me about

colin says:
how old am i show me ur pic

At which point I sent him this picture


Gill says:
well??
« Last Edit: Mar 5, 2006, 8:43pm by Cohaagen »

Got another one tonight:


Keith says:
hi horn ball

Gill says:
yippee kay-ay, mr falcon

Keith says:
eh?

Gill says:
hey, mellow out man

Gill says:
how u doin?

Keith says:
very tired

Keith says:
apart from that ok

Gill says:
do u want a massage

Keith says:
mmm

Gill says:
one with all the trimmings

Keith says:
extras, yipee

Gill says:
yipee-kay-ay! lol lol lol lol lol lol

Gill says:
c'mon, slip off yr briefs. i'll show u some stuff i learned in prison

Keith says:
now, go for it

Gill says:
is it hard?? i'll have u pulsing in an instant

Keith says:
sure is

Gill says:
i want that pipe steaming

Keith would like to send you the file "DSCN1113.JPG" (1114 Kb). Transfer time is less than 10 minutes with a 28.8 modem. Do you want to Accept (Alt+T) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?


You bet I accept. 'Keith' then sent me a picture which, frankly, beggars belief. I'll refrain from posting it here. I like being a Colonel.


Keith says:
believe me now?

Gill says:
(sings) now i'm a believer...

Gill says:
i'm rubbing myself like a mental patient

Keith says:
send me a nice pic of ur tits again to my mobile

Gill says:
out of cred. i'm horny as a motherfucker. my twat smells like a skip

Keith says:
id luv 2 lick u out, send me a pic 2moro

Keith says:
ur cunt too

Gill says:
i'll message u a pic in a few mins. i'm fantasizing about ur fucking massive bulb

Keith says:
u like

Keith says:
?

Gill says:
i LOVE!!!!111 i'm thinking bout ur cock, but on charles bronsons body

Keith says:
send them now as im off to bed and cant let my fone beep there

Gill says:
here we go. enjoy

Part two to follow....

[vigilante]

Email it to me please.

That was the funniest thread on the old board I can't remember how many times I read it.

Still funny as fuck.

[Cohaagen]

Do these people never learn? I just finished a conversation with 'Tom', the first dipshit I spoke to.

"All the KFC's up here have Wi-Fi". Honestly...


tom says:
hi sexy

Gill says:
Raaaarr...how u

tom says:
lol

tom says:
wheres ur pic babe

tom says:
so u survived ur drugs then lol

Gill says:
yeah, someone was fucking around w my laptop oth day. sorry!!!

tom says:
lol

tom says:
have u apic babe

Gill says:
i'll delete some pics from my cam and take 1 ina minute.

tom says:
cool

tom says:
where ufrom again sorry

Gill says:
that little prick has filled my pc with death wish pics

tom says:
who was it

Gill says:
his name is paul kersey

tom says:
r u in dublin

Gill says:
im not

tom says:
whers u

Gill says:
in a kfc on the isle of skye. the kfc's all have wi-fi up here

Gill says:
do u want me to wank just now

tom says:
whers ur pics i will lol

Gill says:
ok i'm in the kfc and im rubbing my flaps together a bit

Gill says:
picture in two ticks

tom says:
kk

Gill says:
oooohhh...

Waiting for tom to accept the file "435353690_l.jpg" (16 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "435353690_l.jpg" has been accepted by tom. Starting transfer...

Sending of "435353690_l.jpg" to tom has failed.

Gill says:
did u get that?

tom says:
shit no

tom says:
try again

Waiting for tom to accept the file "435353690_l.jpg" (16 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "435353690_l.jpg" has been declined by tom.

Waiting for tom to accept the file "435353690_l.jpg" (16 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "435353690_l.jpg" has been accepted by tom. Starting transfer...

Sending of "435353690_l.jpg" to tom has failed.

Gill says:
i cant send it and i'm about to cum the black guy at the counter is looking at me funny

tom says:
will u email it instead

tom says:
************@hotmail.com

Gill says:
sure

tom says:
shit i gotta go in5 mins

tom says:
fuck work lol

Gill says:
the guy at the counter has put a ghetto blaster in front of his face

tom says:
lol

Gill says:
will u b on 2nite? ill email a pic and we can fuck thru the power of words l8r

tom says:
ill be on at 630

tom says:
waht u look like

Gill says:
ok, i'll have 2 come back to the KFC to get online.

Gill says:
i'm young! thats bout it. ill surprise u!!!

tom says:
ok

tom says:
what age u

Gill says:
13

tom says:
lol no way

Gill says:
seriously, heres a pic of my dad



Gill says:
ok, c u 2nite!!!


That's the way to do it - reel 'em in, then hit them with the ALIEN BRONSON.
« Last Edit: Mar 8, 2006, 2:38pm by Cohaagen »

I just had a chat with Keith aka 'Penis Guy'. Check it out, Manhunter quotes and everything LOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!111



Keith says:
wat happened ur pics u promised?

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "brian.bmp" (469 Kb, less than 4 minutes with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "brian.bmp" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Keith says:
wats that

Transfer of "brian.bmp" is complete.



Keith says:
wat the fuk

Gill says:
thats me...after my changing.

Keith says:
nice

Keith says:
did u send me a pic the other nite like u said?

Gill says:
the dragon rampant. do you see. hold on a tick...

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "011.jpg" (46 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "011.jpg" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "011.jpg" is complete.



Gill says:
sorry wrong one again

Keith says:
jesus woman

Gill says:
how do u preview files

Keith says:
right click and pick view, depends

Keith says:
or change the way u view them

Gill says:
i'm using a 286

Gill says:
i think this is the one

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "013.jpg" (19 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "013.jpg" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "013.jpg" is complete.



Keith says:
wat r u on 2day

Keith says:
!

Gill says:
was that not it. shit. try again

Gill says:
sorry, im a bit slow. ive only got one aahhhhmm

Keith says:
hurry, my gf home soon

Gill says:
here we go

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "bgdbwi.jpg" (26 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "bgdbwi.jpg" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "bgdbwi.jpg" is complete.



Gill says:
i think i have a virus

Keith says:
wer? in ur pussy?

Gill says:
i got a message that said who the fuck are you and then it said death

Keith says:
jesus

Gill says:
this looks like it. sorr keith

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "gillkelly.jpg" (15 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "gillkelly.jpg" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "gillkelly.jpg" is complete.



Gill says:
what u think. thats me in the middle

Gill says:
my computer wont stop playing hall and oats. i think its fucked

Keith says:
ok

Gill says:
i think u have a nice clean penis



And that was that
« Last Edit: Apr 1, 2006, 6:43pm by Cohaagen »

If everyone who wants in gives me their MSN Messenger names I can 'invite' them to the conversation...I think.

Jaysus wept. I just had 'Tom' hassling me for my ass again.


tom says:
hi

Gill says:
hi there

tom says:
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

tom says:
so any pics lol

Gill says:
we can give it a try

tom says:
cool

Waiting for tom to accept the file "g1.jpg" (48 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "g1.jpg" has been accepted by tom. Starting transfer...

Sending of "g1.jpg" to tom has failed.

Gill says:
i think i have a virus

tom says:
lol i do too

tom says:
will yiu email it

Gill says:
m pointer has turn into a penis and when i click it shoots white stuff

Gill says:
its sick

tom says:
wahts ur no ill call u

Gill says:
do u have a minicom?

tom says:
shit no

tom says:
waht u wanna do on fone

Gill says:
i need minicom i'm deaf. if u have a cam i can lip read what u saying

'Gill' returns, with a special appearance from Jeff off Byker Grove.



Mr A says:
hello?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i am receiving

Gill - here's for the championship says:
yeees??

Mr A says:
hey

Mr A says:
how u feeling?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i need a vacation

Mr A says:
lol

Mr A says:
i meant r u feeling better

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i feel good john

Mr A says:
im ally

Mr A says:
lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
I'm Gill but you can call me...proteus

Mr A says:
proteus?

Mr A says:
isnt that a character from shakespear?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i cant remember

Gill - here's for the championship says:
um

Mr A says:
good name though

Mr A says:
feeling any friskier?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
very

Mr A says:
horny then?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
like a triceratops

Mr A says:
so very horny

Mr A says:
need a man?

Mr A says:

Gill - here's for the championship says:
send a picture of your glans

Mr A says:
lol

Mr A says:
ok

Mr A says:
can you give me a few mins i have compnay just now

Gill - here's for the championship says:
can i still send apicture of my faaaaaaaanny? will they mind?

Mr A says:
lol

Mr A says:
go f it

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok hold on

Waiting for Mr A to accept the file "fane.jpg" (8 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Gill - here's for the championship says:
did u get that

Transfer of file "fane.jpg" has been accepted by Mr A. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "fane.jpg" is complete.



Mr A says:
?

Mr A says:
thats a guy

Gill - here's for the championship says:
shit. i think theres something wrong with my pc

Gill - here's for the championship says:
shall i try again

Mr A says:
yes

Mr A says:
i have one but its a bit bl;urred

Waiting for Mr A to accept the file "g103.jpg" (18 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "g103.jpg" has been accepted by Mr A. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "g103.jpg" is complete.



Gill - here's for the championship says:
send away

Mr A would like to send you the file "coc.jpg" (38 Kb). Transfer time is less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem. Do you want to Accept (Alt+T) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

Transfer of file "coc.jpg" from Mr A has been accepted. Starting transfer...

Gill - here's for the championship says:
all i got from u was a thumbnail of don king. r u sure ur pc is ok?

Mr A says:
think so

Mr A says:
no viruses etc etc

Gill - here's for the championship says:
wow shit. my coputer screen is flashing and making ghost noises

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i need to turn the contrast up to see ur pic but my fingers are taped together

Mr A says:
?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i got them trapped last night reaching for a dundee cake

Gill - here's for the championship says:
did my pic come throgh ok???

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ps iam masturbating

Mr A says:
did you get my pic?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
yeeeees. ugh ugh ugh ohh!!

Mr A says:
u like?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
my fanny is so wet i am practically leaving slug trails

Mr A says:
so you are up for meeting?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
sure

Mr A says:
today?

Mr A says:
your pics didnt come through

Mr A says:
all i got were 2 pics of guys

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i'll try again. yes iam DEFINITELY up 4 meeting xxxxx

Mr A says:
do you have a contact number?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hold on a mo

Mr A says:
so can we go to yours, mine or a hotel

Gill - here's for the championship says:
anywhere is cool, as long as there's access 4 my wheelchair

Mr A says:
your taking the piss

Gill - here's for the championship says:
please don't be cruel. u seem nice and i dig ur pecker

Mr A says:
why you saying your in a wheelchair?

Mr A says:
your standing up in your pics

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i was braced against a hidden support. i photoshopped it out afterwards. no one would touch me if they thought i was a crip

Gill - here's for the championship says:
it all still works down there

Mr A says:
you being serious

Mr A says:
i hear so much bullshit on here its not real

Gill - here's for the championship says:
there are no laughs in multiple sclerosis

Gill - here's for the championship says:
believe me

Mr A says:
so your in a wheelchair?

Mr A says:
why didnt you tell me this at first

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i encounter a lot of prejudice. trust me, i can still move when i get my blood up

Mr A says:
so you are still able bodied

Gill - here's for the championship says:
pretty much yeah. i mean i have a bag fitted but none of my other boyfs seemed to give a fuck

Mr A says:
a bag?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
n e way, u still want 2 meet. i need to get my transportation sorted

Mr A says:
gill i am sorry i dont believe you

Mr A says:
i think your winding me up

Mr A says:
fucking me about

Gill - here's for the championship says:
u ar fucking INHUMAN!!!

Mr A says:
why didnt you tell me this at first

Gill - here's for the championship says:
do u fucking know what its like??? DO YOU?? seeing the world thru a dirty window??

Mr A says:
but gill

Mr A says:
you work in a bar

Gill - here's for the championship says:
they set up a system of pulleys for me

Gill - here's for the championship says:
and I have a sheepdog that fetches empty glasses for me

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok i showed the photo of ur dick to my mother and she says its OK if I meet u

Mr A says:
this is bullshit

Mr A says:
goodbye

Gill - here's for the championship says:
not shit! energy!

Gill - here's for the championship says:
u want to buy some heroin?

[Cohaagen]

I think 'Colin' is finally wising up to things. At least I got to use loads of Commando references.

colin says:
hi

Gill - here's for the championship says:
gill, whose face is a mass of entrails, says hi

Gill - here's for the championship says:
just kidding. hello

colin says:
how ru what u upto today

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i was out chopping logs earlier on. then i went to the park - fed a deer, did a bit of fishing

colin says:
cool u wanna meet up

Gill - here's for the championship says:
okay. do u know the sunspot motel?

colin says:
where is that

Gill - here's for the championship says:
cooke knows where it is. i'll take u to meet him

colin says:
nah

Gill - here's for the championship says:
how bout we go to mcdonalds

colin says:
which one

Gill - here's for the championship says:
they have an underwater one in south queensferry

colin says:
lol

colin says:
ur funny

Gill - here's for the championship says:
at the deep sea world I mean!

colin says:
meet u at the bridge

Gill - here's for the championship says:
which one

colin says:
u decide

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i'll have to drive my gritting lorry there

colin says:
lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i'll be ready john

colin says:
u got apic

Gill - here's for the championship says:
what KIND of pic? sumthing saucy?

colin says:
if uwant

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hold on then

Gill - here's for the championship says:
check it out

Waiting for colin to accept the file "gill0134.bmp" (291 Kb, less than 3 minutes with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

colin says:
where

Transfer of file "gill0134.bmp" has been accepted by colin. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "gill0134.bmp" is complete.



colin says:
thats not u

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i got it from my internet explorer cache. is it not me?
fuck. wat is it

colin says:
lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
this is it

Waiting for colin to accept the file "g1.jpg" (48 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "g1.jpg" has been accepted by colin. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "g1.jpg" is complete.



Gill - here's for the championship says:
no

Gill - here's for the championship says:
u still there?

Waiting for colin to accept the file "kingwillie.wav" (68 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "kingwillie.wav" has been declined by colin.

Gill - here's for the championship says:
wats ur fucking problem

ally says:
hiya

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hola

ally says:
hows you today

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i gots the menstrial cramps bad

ally says:
aww babe not so good

Gill - here's for the championship says:
cant do nothing bout my monthly flow

ally says:
v true, where in edinburgh you at again been ages since we chatted

Gill - here's for the championship says:
do u know a place called scorpio leisure

('Scorpio Leisure' is a notorious hoorhouse in Edinburgh)

ally says:
in leith

Gill - here's for the championship says:
yeah

ally says:
yup i do v near easter rd

Gill - here's for the championship says:
well i stay next to it

ally says:
cool what age ect

Gill - here's for the championship says:
suspect is 5ft 6, brown hair, and shes one gigantic
motherfuuuuuucker

ally says:
lol really

Gill - here's for the championship says:
haha just kidding

ally says:
lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
so tell me what ya want. they say you offerin me
favours, mr policeman babylon

ally says:
you married got a b-f

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i have a boyf but he not around too much spends most his time down the dojo

ally says:
dojo?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
never mind. u got a pic?

ally says:
yeh you?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
sure do

ally says:
cool 1 min

ally would like to send you the file "Picture 71.jpg" (70 Kb). Transfer time is less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem. Do you want to Accept (Alt+T) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

Transfer of file "Picture 71.jpg" from ally has been accepted. Starting transfer...

You have successfully received etc.



ally says:
your turn

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hold on a mo

ally says:
k

Gill - here's for the championship says:
wow? wat the fuck happened there?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
r u sure ur pc is okay?

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
r u sure ur pc is okay?

ally says:
hey babe soz for dissapaering

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok. btw i think theres something wrong with ur pc

ally says:
how

Gill - here's for the championship says:
when u sent ur pic all i got was this. i'll send it

Waiting for ally to accept the file "Picture 71.jpg" (3 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "Picture 71.jpg" has been accepted by ally. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "Picture 71.jpg" is complete.



ally says:
yeh right

ally says:
never seen that in my life

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i;m not too good with computers

ally says:
was a rasta bloke lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
u want 2 see my pics???

ally says:
yeh

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hold on a sec

ally says:
k

Waiting for ally to accept the file "g01778.jpg" (9 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "g01778.jpg" has been accepted by ally. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "g01778.jpg" is complete.



Gill - here's for the championship says:
did that work

ally says:
looks like a guy with black hair no offence

Gill - here's for the championship says:
sorry. i'm using a puter with an arab keyboard. i got it
in dubai. i'll try again

ally says:
k lmao

Waiting for ally to accept the file "g17.png" (11 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "g17.png" has been accepted by ally. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "g17.png" is complete.



ally says:
yourtaking the piss eh

ally says:
lmao

Gill - here's for the championship says:
sorry. shit. what did u get?

ally says:
an animated pic

Gill - here's for the championship says:
fuck it. i'll try again. i'm using a cray

ally says:
k

Gill - here's for the championship says:
the cpu is a neural net processor

ally says:
i see

Waiting for ally to accept the file "gillnew010206.jpg" (44 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "gillnew010206.jpg" has been accepted by ally. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "gillnew010206.jpg" is complete.



ally says:
nope 2 guys dressed up

ally says:
i'd get a new keyboard

Gill - here's for the championship says:
okay i'm using voice commands now

ally says:
lol

Gill - here's for the championship says:
this should work

ally says:
k

Waiting for ally to accept the file "gill16.jpg" (32 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "gill16.jpg" has been accepted by ally. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "gill16.jpg" is complete.



ally says:
forget it

Gill - here's for the championship says:
stop!

Gill - here's for the championship says:
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST

ally says:
your fuckin nuts

Gill - here's for the championship says:
save it for the judge asshole

As you've probably guessed, I've been having a wee break from the IM antics. I got rumbled by the KEITH dude last week and he was just boring the shit out of me - conversation was as follows. I'll be back on in a couple of days, though.

EDIT: I didn't post this at the time as it ain't that funny.


Keith says:
hi

Keith says:
ive asked my gf 4 a break

Gill - here's for the championship says:
hold on a sec, got 2 turn my stereo down

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok thats it. i was listening 2 sum death metal. wats that bout ur gf?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
keith? hello?

Keith says:
?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
wat were u saying bout ur girlf?

Keith says:
yea, i asked her for a break

Keith says:
it broke her heart

Gill - here's for the championship says:
tough break. u know what I say? shit 'appens.

Keith says:
but she is very good 2 me and i no she addores me

Gill - here's for the championship says:
how is she good?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
in what way

Keith says:
she does everything for me and is very good around the house and i dont no y i cant be happy with her

Gill - here's for the championship says:
have u thought bout seeing a psychic?

Keith says:
me

Keith says:
y

Gill - here's for the championship says:
it might open your miiind

Keith says:
im sori but i can hardly see the screen , im fucking crying

Keith says:
sori

Gill - here's for the championship says:
jesus christ, man

Keith says:
u there

Gill - here's for the championship says:
sorry i was making a cocoa

Keith says:
wat wer u gonna say?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
this might cheer u up

Keith says:
wat

Waiting for Keith to accept the file "highlander.JPG" (36 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "highlander.JPG" has been accepted by Keith. Starting transfer...

Transfer of "highlander.JPG" is complete.



Keith says:
wat will cheer me up?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
can u give me 10 mins? i've got to, er, do something else. back soon

Keith says:
tell me something

Keith says:
??

Gill - here's for the championship says:
crom smiles upon u

Keith says:
eh?

Keith says:
tell me someting

Gill - here's for the championship says:
like what

Keith says:
wat did we talk about the other day

Gill - here's for the championship says:
seriously? no way, man. i can't even remember what i had for breakfast

Keith says:
so ur pretending 2 be gill 2day again eh

Gill - here's for the championship says:
i have no idea wat ur talkingbout

Keith says:
wat did u send me the other day, and this u wudn 4get

Gill - here's for the championship says:
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Keith says:
close

Keith says:
try again

Gill - here's for the championship says:
tell me wat u want, mr policeman babylon

Keith says:
do u get a thrill out of pretending or wat

Gill - here's for the championship says:
life is a cabaret old chum

Keith says:
not mine unfortunaltely

Keith says:
hello carla

Gill - here's for the championship says:
seriously, like, we're 2 burglars really. we broke into gills flat and chopped her up and stuck her in the bath

Keith says:
u seem 2 be so heartless

Keith says:
i just cant get u at all

Keith says:
1

Gill - here's for the championship says:
the more contact i have with people the more i learn

Keith says:
so y cant u just be honest with me now

Keith says:
and stop this shite

Gill - here's for the championship says:
have u heard the new Vader album

Keith says:
pls answer me

Gill - here's for the championship says:
their new drummer is shit

Keith says:
bye

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok, speak to u soon

Keith says:
i hope not

Gill - here's for the championship says:
you cant seeeee the eyes of the demon...until ee come callin

Keith says:
wud u fuckin wise up and even better just die in a corner somewere

Gill - here's for the championship says:
ok, seriously now. i'm just pretending to be her. c is a nice girl who pays her debts and speaks three languages. you'd better not give her a hard time

Gill - here's for the championship says:
or i will stick u in the camel clutch

Keith says:
we r very good mates and i dont like the way ur making a fool outta her

Keith says:
y?

Gill - here's for the championship says:
how the fuck should I know? i'm a 14 yr old kid from hong kong. all i did was crack her password. jesus
« Last Edit: Mar 20, 2006, 11:28pm by Cohaagen »

[Will Da Beeste]

The King of wind ups!

Fucking brilliant stuff man.

[Colonel John Matrix]

"i'm rubbing myself like a mental patient"

Fantastic stuff Cohaagen

[Will Da Beeste]

horny like a triceratops!

[Kimble]

I'm going to reread this later. I remember laughing my ass off so many times at this thread back in the day. Some of the funniest stuff I've ever read.

Glad you saved it, Haag.

[Lord Chenney]

this is unbelievable. cohaagen - you were wise to preserve it.

i love jeff from byker groves appearance. pure class.

[Kimble]

Gill says:
i think i have a virus

Keith says:
wer? in ur pussy?

Gill says:
i got a message that said who the fuck are you and then it said death

I like how the Beaked Matrix picture makes multiple appearances.

[MacReady]

Mr A says:
you work in a bar

Gill - here's for the championship says:
they set up a system of pulleys for me

Gill - here's for the championship says:
and I have a sheepdog that fetches empty glasses for me



Funniest thread ever.